Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
