Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
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