Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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