i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
