i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
