Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it's like heaven, but drunker
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
