i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
