lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
