That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
