we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
