Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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