I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So squirting runs in the family.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
