you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
