went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
