is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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