Your dad touched me again.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
