I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
