We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
