I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
