Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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