Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
