i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
