it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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