Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
