evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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