Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
