I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
