I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
