I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
