Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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