theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
