Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
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i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
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party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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