Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize