We named our party play list daddy issues
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
