when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Your penis caused this!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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