i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
