So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
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I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
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I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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