eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
