I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
