great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
