Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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