why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
