I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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