There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
