; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
