my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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