i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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