There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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