Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
