i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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