A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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