Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
