shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
