a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
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