she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
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so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
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It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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