Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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