I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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