just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
