so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
