Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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