My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
