Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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