1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
