Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
