Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
