I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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