So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
