I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
