Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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