So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
