I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
