Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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