I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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