I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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