I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
